Ok…so I just got back from seeing The Incredible Hulk and I’ve gotta say that I liked it, but since I’ve seen it I’ve already had about three ‘hey-wait-a-minute’ moments. You know what I’m talking about right? You see something that seems pretty kosher to you at first, but then you look back and you go ‘hey wait a minute!’ Well, I keep having that happen to me whenever I think about this movie.
And then I get a little pissed…
And then…
(How could the US Army send an armed battalion onto an American college campus and open fire with heavy artillery?)
Heart rate rising…
(Why would Bruce Banner use data encryption just to say ‘hello’ to Mr. Blue over the internet and then use an unprotected computer at a local gas station to send all the data on the Gamma Pulse project to the same guy?)
Blood racing...
(How can SHIELD’s data mining computers be able to spot a phrase as innocuous as ‘Mr. Green’ and sort it from literally millions of similar communications when it takes the FBI months to get through phrases like ‘bomb’ and ‘airplane?’
Head pounding…
(Why would General Ross take a guy who’s already proven himself to be a loose cannon and give him the same power that he wouldn’t trust a level-headed Bruce Banner with? And after he almost got his own daughter killed?)
Everything goes green…
RAAAAAAAGH!
PLOT HOLES MAKE ELLIOTT ANGRY!
GRAAAAHHHHHH!
MOVIE SCRIPT LIKE BILL MANTLO ISSUE!
AAAAAAARRRRRGH!
WILLIAM HURT MOSTACHE GETS PHONIER THROUGH MOVIE!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
CGI SOMETIME LOOK LIKE VIDEO GAME CUT SCENE!
ELLIOTT SMASH!!!!
ELLIOTT SMASH STUPID LAPTOP!!!
ELLIOTT NO CARE HOW MUCH LAPTOP COST!!!
ELLIOTT NO THINK ABOUT WARRANTEE HE NO BUY!!!
ELLIOTT THINK ABOUT LIV TYLER INSTEAD!
ELLIOTT THINK ABOUT LIV TYLER PLAY BETTY ROSS!
LIV TYLER WAY HOTTER THAN JENNIFER CONNOLLY…
LIV TYLER WAY HOTTER…
Liv Tyler have nice lips she get from dad Steven…
(Heart rate slowing…)
And nice thigh she shows in love scene…
(Ears stop pounding…)
And wet white blouse in rain scene…
(Color returns to my surroundings…)
And perfect skin…
…which is barely scratched even though she just survived a helicopter crash.
Hey wait a minute!
E. Ruben Serrano is a writer/columnist/graphic artist/geek who actually did like The Incredible Hulk despite all its inconsistencies. He could have done with a little more Liv Tyler though. And less William Hurt. And he would’ve liked to have seen the dog in the beginning of the movie get up to prove that they didn’t really kill it with an overdose of tranquilizer. But that’s just him. Visit the Comic Culture Warrior You Tube Channel and his blog for more rants and raves. You can also read his column Geek To Me, every other week or so in the Chicago Red Eye.
E.R. Serrano
|
