With the Mother of All Comic Conventions, San Diego Comic-Con, just a couple days away, it’s time for me to make my list of Things I Will Not Do At Comic-Con…Again.

(I hope that the Honorable Judge Mathis is reading this and knows that I have since completed all the community service hours he charged me with after last year’s…incident.)

Ok, and here we go:

ELLIOTT’S SAN DIEGO COMIC-CON NOT-TO-DO LIST

1) DO NOT snatch Ed Brubaker’s porkpie hat. (The guy has a wicked left hook for a writer!)
2) DO NOT follow Matt Wagner into the men’s room asking ‘when’s MAGE 3 coming out? When’s MAGE 3 coming out? When’s MAGE 3 coming out?’ over and over again. (He’s not above kicking you in the family jewels.)
3) DO NOT ask a Playboy Playmate if you can ‘check her for staples.’
4) DO NOT take Grant Morrison’s bottle of Guinness and claim that ‘you’re good for it.’
5) DO NOT challenge Lou Ferrigno to a World’s Loudest Belch contest. (He’s a pro.)
6) DO NOT follow a group of female Harry Potter cosplayers to the food court and ask them if they want to ‘see your wand from Ollivander’s.’
7) DO NOT ask Ray Park to ‘whip out his double-sided lightsaber.’
8) DO NOT allow Eric Trautmann to ‘introduce your White Queen to his Black King.’
9) DO NOT say the words ‘Patriot Act’ around Steven Grant (unless you have A LOT of time on your hands).

AND GOOD LORD IN HEAVEN, REMEMBER THE FOLLOWING:

10) DO NOT accept any drinks from Brandon Jerwa unless you can see the bartender pour it.

Again, as I asked all you convention going CWR readers last year, if you see me in danger of violating any of these rules, I ask you – nay I BEG YOU – to tackle me to the ground and slap some sense into my head.

Seriously, I just don’t have the bail money this year and my mom said she’ll let me ‘rot in that cell for all I care’ this time.

See you in San Diego!

Elliott Serrano will be roaming the halls of the San-Diego Comic Convention this year looking for subjects to interview for CWRtv and the Chicago RedEye. He will also be mobile blogging for his Geek To Me blog as well as the Comic Culture Warrior blog. If you see him, don’t make any sudden movements or stare him in the eyes as he may view that as a challenge and most likely urinate himself. 

E.R. Serrano

Visit CWR at Unsungheroes!    

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