That’s how I would describe a certain comic-book writer who has made it his personal crusade to torment me with an idea so vile, so despicable; it just gives me night sweats to think about it. What is that joke, you ask? What is the idea that causes my mind to scream from the insanity of it? That James Cameron’s Titanic is a better movie than The Empire Strikes Back! And who would utter such ludicrous blasphemies? None other than John Layman, writer of the best-selling indie comic series Chew. There once was a time when I would have held Mr. Layman’s opinion on all things narrative in the highest regard, but now I just shake my head and grieve the loss of what was once a wonderful mind now lost to dementia. I mean, come on, how else can you explain it? Only an irrational individual could rationalize a scenario where the ‘love’ of Jack and Rose trump that of Han and Leia. Leo and Kate might have steamed up the windows of a car in the hold of that doomed ocean liner, but Harrison and Carrie made sparks fly while aboard the fastest ship in the galaxy! So, in an effort to put this issue to bed once and for all, and to prepare for the upcoming intervention that will be held at John’s place, I offer to you: TOP FIVE REASONS WHY EMPIRE IS BETTER THAN TITANIC: 5)Empire had the Millennium Falcon dodging asteroids while Titanic just had a boat crash into an iceberg. 4) Yoda’s acting was way better than Kate Winslet’s. 3) Empire gave us Luke Skywalker versus Darth Vader, Titanic gave us Jack Dawson handcuffed to a radiator. 2) We all knew how Titanic was going to end, but who could have seen ‘I AM YOUR FATHER’ coming? 1) Empire gave us John Williams, Titanic gave us Celine Dion. Nuff said. Elliott Serrano is a writer/columnist/blogger who holds John Layman in the highest regard, but now has serious reservations about Layman’s ability to feed, clothe and bathe himself. He still thinks that “Chew” is one of the best comic books on the market and encourages you to pick up one of the many reprints that Image Comics has released. He also encourages you to pick up Army of Darkness: Ash Saves Obama #2, out at comic shops this week!
You can read more of Elliott’s ramblings on comics and movies at his blog and see him on YouTube!
It all started as a joke; a sick, perverse, disgusting joke that could have only come from the mind of one deranged by either too many opiates, or perhaps syphilis.
E.R. Serrano
Visit CWR at Unsungheroes!
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