Hello! Welcome to my inaugural “Jess Knows Best” column! In the days/weeks/months ahead, I’ll be here to answer your every question. From ‘relationship advice’ to ‘I’m too lazy to use Google, but I managed to send you an email’ questions, I’m here for you. Just don’t be surprised if I post a “Google motherfucker, can you use it?” macro in response.

Q. What is the best way for a fanguy to approach a fangirl at the LCS if he's interested?

Aisle-d Curiosity

A. First, there are a couple things you must avoid:

1) Lurking too long before speaking to her.
You’ll just come off as creepy and weird, but, like -- the bad kind of creepy and weird.

2) Avoiding eye-contact.
I highly suggest a direct eye-contact approach. If you make sure to make eye-contact, it will keep you from accidentally saying hello to the lady’s ladies, if’n ya know what I mean. No girl likes that.

That said; take a look at her goods (No, not those goods). While you and the lady are picking up your books of the week, start a conversation regarding a book she’s selected. If it’s one you are not familiar with, you could suggest to her that you had considered picking it up, but that you were interested in her opinion of the book. If she’s only picking up books you read too, ask her what she thought of a recent issue.

You should be able to tell whether or not she enjoys talking to you by the answer she gives. If you get a one or two-word hurried response, let her go!

Q. My girlfriend and I got together via email, due to our busy schedules. She started sending me sexy emails and I answered back, and trying to outdo each other became a fun game. We eventually decided to move in together, but kept emailing back and forth anyway. Now, though, she's frequently emailing someone else, and when I ask her who, she just says, "Nobody." It's worrying me. I know I can't ask to see the emails, but it's to the point where I feel like hacking into her account to find out what they' say. What do I do? Am I being paranoid or should I be worried?

Sulking in San Jose

A. Hmmm. This is a tough one. First of all, I must state that I am a Howard Stern fan. Based on some recent events on the show, I’ve learned a new phrase: “Emotional Friend.” For the sake of argument, let’s give your girl the benefit of the doubt and say she’s not sending any scandalous emails she wouldn’t want her mom to see. You should talk to her and explain that you feel like the “game” that used to be yours and hers together, is now being shared with a third party. Let her know that it makes you feel awkward and hurt that she won’t tell you who it is. Either way, it sounds like she has an “Emotional Friend” – while she might not be sharing anything inappropriate with this person, her interaction with him/her is keeping you from getting what you need from the relationship.

If your girlfriend still won’t open up about her new email buddy, then you might have every reason to worry, but not reason enough to hack her account. You need to set the boundary for yourself as to whether her actions are “okay” or not. If you’re not happy with what she’s doing – and she won’t stop – or at least share with you who she’s talking to – then you don’t need to hack her account to know there are problems in your relationship.

Good luck!

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