JESS KNOWS BEST:
ADVICE ON LOVE,
LIFE, AND MORE,
FOR THE MODERN
GEEK AND
GEEKETTE

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Jess Knows Best! Advice on love, life, and more for the modern geek and geekette!


I’m back for more! You can’t get rid of me that easily! Before I jump into this round’s Q & A, I should take a moment to say I will be at the Portland (Oregon) Comic Book Show this coming Sunday (Nov. 11). If you’re in the area, I’d love to say hi in person. You can find me at Brandon Jerwa’s signing table.

Q. Dear Miss Jessica:

I have never been able to blow a bubble with bubble-gum. Ever. This is a glaring deficit in my skill set, one I find untenable. Any advice?

Little Eric Trautmann

A. I would truly like to help you with this obvious shortcoming, but alas, I fear I am not equipped to handle questions of such a profound magnitude. However, using fewer words than it took you to write a letter to me (Google: “how to blow a bubble”), and certainly less effort, I came upon this website: http://www.wikihow.com/Blow-a-Bubble-With-Bubblegum.

Of course, pointing out the ease with which I came upon this information might lead you to believe you don’t need me. Let me prove that theory wrong by excerpting what I believe might be some of the most important instructions on the WikiHow page.

• “Chew it vigorously until you feel that it's rubbery and smooth, rather than sticky, sandy and rough. Saliva helps a lot in this process, so go ahead and just mix the two of them.”

• “When you feel that it's nice and firm, use your tongue to roll the gum into a ball and put it in the middle of your tongue.”

• “Press the ball between your tongue and the roof of your mouth to make it flat…”

• “Gently wrap your slightly moistened lips around the part of the gum sticking out of your mouth, and start blowing very slowly.”

See? I knew you needed me. Hey! Get your mind out of the gutter!

Q. Dear Jess: What is the easiest way to get superpowers?

A Man (Not) in Full Flight

A. LSD. Not speaking from experience, of course.

Any questions?

Ask Jess Your Question!


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