Greetings! Welcome to the second “Jess Knows Best” of 2008. Have a question for me? Send your questions to Ask Jess, or visit my myspace page!
Q. Dear Jess,
After noticing me check out a couple 'Slave Leia's' at the last con, my girlfriend surprised me by getting herself one of the bikini outfits to wear. Problem is, it just doesn't flatter her very well. Don't get me wrong, I love her and all her proportions, but she's just no Carrie Fisher (circa 1983). How do I break it to her without hurting her feelings?
Signed,
Frozen in Carbonite
A. As a woman, my knee-jerk response is, “WOW…you are SOOOO screwed!”
Jess,
I really like this girl who is totally obsessed with Dr. Who. Problem is that whenever I try to strike up a conversation with her, it always goes back to The Doctor and how much she would love to be his 'companion' like Rose or whoever. I try to relate to her as a fan, but while I do watch the show, I'm just not into it as much as she is. Am I barking up the wrong tree?
Signed,
No Time for Timelords
A. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head here…and you may just be barking up the wrong tree. If you’re unable to have a conversation without it reverting back to the same subject that you’re not interested in, the two of you obviously cannot communicate in a way that is meaningful to you as well as her. It’s like you’re speaking two languages.
Second, and more importantly, you shouldn’t feel like you have to turn into a superfan of her favorite show just to gain her attention. That falsity is no basis for a relationship, and ultimately, it’s just too much work.
Dear Jess,
I have a friend who's been having a hard time meeting nice guys. After getting her heart broken by a somewhat self-obsessed athletic-type guy, she met this new guy who's the exact opposite as he's into gaming. I am afraid, though, that she may be setting herself up for disappointment again as I've always thought that gamers were equally self-obsessive. What should I tell her?
Signed,
Tired of Game Players.
A. It’s sweet that you are trying to protect your friend, but you really have no place making that judgment for her. It would be extremely inappropriate for you to put your own standards for a mate on your friend’s mate.
It’s definitely good to be there for her if she asks for your opinions about him, but ultimately your friend needs to make her own mistakes. If you weigh in, be sure to stick to the facts that you know about him personally. Don’t talk trash based on your perceptions of other gamers. It’s great that you want to look out for her, but you can’t interfere unless you actually have a reason to do so (ie, you overhear him making a date with someone else or you see him stealing from your friend’s purse, etc.). You have to remember that you’re her friend, not her mother.
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