Marvel/Disney and DC Entertainment: what it all means to you: Nothing. Many fans have been stunned by the goings on at the corporate level of the comics world over the past couple of weeks. Disney buying Marvel. DC getting shifted in the Warner Bros. hierarchy and Paul Levitz stepping down. Comics lovers across the country are wondering what this all will mean for their favorite four-color heroes. Well, I’m here to answer every question you might have. “What will change about the comics?” “What will change about the characters I love?” “What will happen to my favorite creators?” I repeat: nothing. Once the purchase of Marvel by Disney finishes jumping through corporate hoops, and Marvel is a fully-owned subsidiary of the Mouse House, it will continue to do exactly what it’s been doing for years now: produced unreadable comics about characters barely recognizable to anyone that’s been reading them for over two years. They’ll still be stupidly expensive, read too quickly, and offer very little in the way of true “heroics,” instead substituting cheap thrills and a bloodthirstiness that would make Idi Amin blush. Got that? On the flip side, as Paul Levitz falls on his sword and Diane Nelson takes the reins at DC Entertainment, the comics division will continue to produce unintelligible crossovers, labyrinthine continuity, and books where they kill off the hero of the $500 million movie coming out at the same time instead of comics where the public could conceivably access him and enjoy him. Dan Didio will still pretend that he’s leading a sturdy ship and that he’s leading the company through a golden age. Vertigo will keep putting out fantastic comics that too few people read because the company doesn’t know how to promote them. Nothing, I repeat nothing, is going to change. Got that? If you’re making cookies, and you put five cups of dog excrement into the batter and bake it up, guess what? The cookies are going to taste like shit. If you swap out the dog excrement for cat excrement? The cookies are still going to taste like shit. This isn’t difficult, folks. I’d draw you a picture, but I’m hoping that the shitty cookies example makes it clear. The only way that true change is going to happen, and either company is going to start making interesting, readable comics again is to cleanse the core and start fresh. Neither of these “changes” at the very top even remotely comes close to addressing the real issues at hand. And that’s the news.
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